Omugwo is an aspect in the Igbo culture where the mother of a new mum comes around to help take care of both mum and new baby. This usually lasts for a period, but some mums stay from 3 – 6 months. So you can imagine my extreme excitement when my mum got her passport and Visa to come stay with us in London after the birth of our baby girl. I was over the moon, happy, grateful and very relieved.

My mum came and changed the game. She taught me so many things and helped out with so much that I found myself saying thank you like 10 times a day, and it still didn’t feel enough.

Mum and I
Mum & ACE

But… having your mum around could also be a handful and a new experience for you, so if you are a new mum or getting set to be one, you have to prepare yourself mentally for when your mum comes around.

Sometimes, your mum will feel like she knows it all and has seen it all when it comes to caring for your baby or babies and she has a right to feel that way because she raised you. So while it is your home and your baby, you should prepare for that interference from mum.

There will also be a lot of guilt tripping. Those helpless types that you just have to give in no matter what. Moments will come up when she will want or expect you to do some things like put a cap on the baby when you feel it’s not necessary, or ask you to wait for 8 weeks before taking the baby to church, and you have a different opinion from hers. The best thing to do at those times is to just give in. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stand your grounds when you also have your opinions, it is important that you do when you feel strongly about somethings.

Will you have deferring opinions? Of course. Will there be arguments? Absolutely. Will you feel like you can do things without her every input? Oh yes! But there are ways to handle all the pressure you may be feeling. So here are my top tips:

  1. Never ever raise your voice or snap at mum. When you feel upset, remember that she has left her home and whatever she could be doing other than bathing, cleaning, changing, feeding or soothing your baby.
  2. Take a walk. When you feel pressured, just take a walk (with or without baby), or do something to distract you from that current situation.
  3. Talk to her about how you are feeling when the tense situation has calmed down. If you have ideas/opinions that you couldn’t share earlier, bring it up then in a calmer atmosphere
  4. Pray to God for understanding and strength when you are feeling overwhelmed.
  5. Always mask the issue when your husband is around. It’s best if he is always neutral.

Remember, it’s a beautiful thing to have mum around to help you become a better mum. It’s a time for unlearning and relearning. She has more experience than you do and has been down the road before you, so she has the upper-hand. Make her feel appreciated and try and make the most of that period because when she leaves, you will definitely miss her.

I would love to read your comments. Thanks.

Love, Nonso!

Mum & I
Mum & I

Comments

  • Your fan
    Reply

    This is so helpful!😊
    I literally prepare myself mentally whenever I’m going to be in the same place with my mum for loooong.

    • nonso
      Reply

      Hello Trisha,

      Thanks for your comment. I’m sure you are going to find lots of ways to make it work when the time comes. Keep reading our blog!

      • Nena Ukah
        Reply

        This is really interesting and an insightful read for me, I’m ready for my mom coming over already.

        • nonso
          Reply

          Hiya Nina!Thanks for your lovely comment and for enjoying the piece. It’s great that you are ready for mum, get right into that mood!

      • Solution
        Reply

        Thanks for this beautiful piece, I’d be sure to tell my future wife to read this post.
        I want to marry an Igbo Lady πŸ˜‰

        • nonso
          Reply

          Hello Emmanuel, that’s a great choice ;). Thanks for enjoying this post and for keeping in mind your future wife. I’m sure she will love it as well!

    • Kester Richard
      Reply

      Hey Nonso, this is a really good piece and I’m sure it would be helpful to our ladies in the house. Wetin kuku concern me than to eat good food πŸ˜€πŸ˜‚

      • nonso
        Reply

        Lol! Thanks Richard, I’m glad you like the piece. Oh and during that period, surely you will eat great food!

        • Stanley
          Reply

          Quite a master piece 😊hope our ladies learns all this..keep it up

          • nonso

            Hello Stanley, thanks a lot for your comment! I’m sure the ladies will pick one or two things from the post. πŸ™‚

          • Neon Gii

            This is very apt and on point! Nonso girl I commend you and appreciate your blog and wisdom! Ive experienced this with my mum and mother in law and truth be told, we learn a lot from our hands-on Mothers! Thankyou for this piece!

          • nonso

            Hiya Neon,

            Thank you for your comment. I’m sure it must have been a great experience for you. Look out for more content πŸ™‚

      • Olivia
        Reply

        Awwwwww……wonderful piece. You have actually said it all. It is a wonderful experience filled with so much to learn. Looking forward to the next omugwoπŸ˜‰πŸ˜˜

        • nonso
          Reply

          Hello Olivia, :):) thanks for your comment! I did learn a whole lot too. lol πŸ˜‰

  • Jay
    Reply

    Wow. This is a beautiful narrative. I see it was really an experience for you. Even though I’m not a woman I’ve gotten a thing or two. The pictures are beautiful by the way. ❀️

    • nonso
      Reply

      Thanks Jay for your lovely comment Jay!I’m glad you find it helpful.

  • OJIK’s
    Reply

    Really helpful

    • nonso
      Reply

      Hello David!
      Thanks for your comment.

  • Onyedika
    Reply

    I have always been a mum since 2008, so really havent experience omugwo I pray I do someday, I guess you really enjoyed the miri udah

    • nonso
      Reply

      Hello Onyedika, I’m sure you will experience it soon ;). Oh yes the Miri Udah (which is like a local herbal soup for new mums) was great!

  • Joy
    Reply

    This was nice… wisdom here especially where you said “Mask issue around husband” honestly. Its best not to put him in the middle or make him grow bitter aganist your mum. Wishing you strength and you keep on taking care of baby Ace

    • nonso
      Reply

      Wow Joy, thank for your comment. You are absolutely right! Thanks for the encouragement too, I will keep doing my possible best.

      • Fay
        Reply

        Omugwo! Truly a time to unlearn and relearn. There were so many clash of beliefs when I had my first child because of old tales and modern discoveries.
        But when I had my other children, the lessons from the first omugwo taught us how to present each other’s perspectives without weird feelings and that helped us get along.
        Thanks for sharing this piece!

        • nonso
          Reply

          Oh wow! Thanks for commenting Fay, and sharing a bit of your experience. So glad you both got along evenually. πŸ™‚

  • Esther
    Reply

    Nicee piece of wisdom. I should start preparing ..lol.. Beautiful grandma,mummy ,and baby tho.,πŸ₯°πŸ€©

    • nonso
      Reply

      Hello Esther, thanks for enjoying the read, and thanks for your lovely comments. I will be sure to pass on your message to mum and baby πŸ˜‰

  • Miasky
    Reply

    Lots of wisdom in this post nonso and, I can tell you’re more of a peacemaker than a fighter. As a new mom, I can 100% relate with everything you said. However, permit me to say that while we cherish the help and relief that our moms give us, we (and they) should understand that motherhood is an innate ability in women, hence it comes naturally to us. So, our moms should trust us to the level of β€œallowing” (for lack of a better term) us to do things our way sometimes. We love our babies tooooooo darn much to do them harm

    • nonso
      Reply

      Hello Miasky, thank you for your comment. There’s a lot of truth in your second paragraph. I feel it’s because of the same maternal instincts that all mums have that makes our mums want to also protect us and our babies. I feel they can’t help it. In the end, it’s all for the same goals – love, nurture and cherish. <3

  • Precious
    Reply

    Really insightful. I enjoyed reading this piece. Nice one

    • nonso
      Reply

      Hello Precious, thanks for enjoying it and commenting. Please Keep reading more as they come πŸ™‚

  • Christine Abdul-martins
    Reply

    Wow, this is so enlightening and helpful. It’s is filled so much wisdom and maturity. I believe this is an important guide for all mothers and mother to be. I have learnt a lot and this would help me approach my next omugwo with more wisdom and maturity. Thanks for sharing this, is really eye opening.

    • nonso
      Reply

      Hello Christine, thanks a lot!!!!! I’m glad you found this post enlightening. Looking forward to learning about your next Omugwo πŸ˜‰

  • Chukwunonso
    Reply

    Very insightful. It was also a very great read. Thank you for the tips too.

    • nonso
      Reply

      Hi Chukwunonso, you are welcome. I’m grateful for your comment, i’m also glad you found the post insightful.

  • PROFESSOR
    Reply

    This is really helpful nice piece.

    • nonso
      Reply

      Hello Professor, thanks for your comment. I’m glad you find it helpful. πŸ™‚

  • MY FIRST SIX MONTHS AS A MUM – Nonso's Scribbles
    Reply

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